Theology of Kidney Stones: Things You Didn’t Know
Dec 8th, 2008 by John
Ureterolithiasis is a kidney stone in the ureter. You can learn all kinds of cool medical stuff about kidney stones on the web. What they are made of, how they form, what foods contribute to or limit their existence. You can see neat diagrams of their journey.
But you will not find a word about the “theology of kidney stones.” This is where I come in.
Having just passed one this past Sunday and having experienced the symptoms and pain and sheer agony of uretherolithiasis (you can’t fool me I see the root “lith-” and I know we’re talking huge boulder), I am ready to offer a humble theology of kidney stones.
Any first year Bible student knows that “stone” is not only an ordinary Hebrew and Greek word, but that there is a vast about of compelling theology around the concept of “stone(s).”
For example, you’ve heard of “stone of stumbling,” yes? Well, a kidney stone is the little known “stone of cursing and swearing to high heaven.” Having a kidney stone is the experience Adam felt when God reached in and ripped a rib out of his side (it’s in the midrash of Genesis 2). And it’s no wonder that God put Adam into a deep, deep, deep, very deep sleep. Thank God for vicodin.
A little know Hebrew textual variant from I Samuel 18 where we read about David getting some skin from 200 Philistines tells us that those two hundred Philistines were passing kidney stones and they yelled, “Do anything you want to us, David! Just make the pain go away!”
The medical community tells us that a kidney stone is a tiny crystal. Ha! A kidney stone is tiny, hard little demon whose sole mission is to provoke apostasy in Christians. Disobedient demons who normally are sent to harass people are judged to become kidney stones. There’s a saying in demon lore: “I’d rather go into a pig than become a kidney stone.” However, the same approach is used for deliverance from demons-as-kidney-stones as from any other demon, “Come out! Come out, you unclean spirit!”
The verses John 7:53-8:11 have been subject to much analysis and debate. It’s the story of the woman caught in adultery. Were these verses original to the Gospel of John? Most Bibles have a footnote about the uncertainty of these verses. But I bet you didn’t know this: one ancient manuscript has Jesus saying this, “Let him who has passed a stone (meaning “kidney stone”) be the first to throw a stone [in judgment at the woman].” The religious leaders are so traumatized by the memories of passing their own stones that they drop the judgment stones and slink away into obscurity.
In Revelation 2:17 we read that Jesus will give a white stone to him (note the masculine “him”) who overcomes. Patriarch Alexander Cassius Lithisus of Slavinia of Antioch made this observation in the second century “The white stone is undoubtedly the kidney stone, also know as “the cursing stone.” It is given to the one who does not apostasize while passing it. That man is an overcomer! Amen!” Patriarch Cassius suggests, but cannot be dogmatic, that the new name on the stone is “R-E-L-I-E-F.”
I hope you’ve profited from this brief theological overview.
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Thank you! I feel so enlightened now. Sorry you had to go through such pain to come to these great truths.
Fred,
Pain is the journey toward truth as you know. I am more truth-filled now than ever
To me (theologically educated but not well-versed in the application of Scripture to kidney stones) I conquered my spate of them by switching to a low oxilate diet, basically all the bad things you are not supposed to eat and none of the good. I did however benefit from the agonized recitation of a few devotional snippets from my church during one of the worst episodes.
These days being ill carries the additional fear of being bankrupted if that has not already taken place.
Stephen Rose,
You are wise to do that…in the medical/physical realm, but do not forget to do “warfare prayer” against the teeny little demons
Can’t stop laughing…
Post Blackbird Song,
You stop it…right now
We know that David didn’t slay Goliath with a kidney stone because David chose five smooth stones, something a kidney stone ain’t. At least that’s my experience.
Yea, verily.
another ’stuff of earth’ item to look forward to…sounds like a place I’d like to avoid…sorry
BrianW,
Your biblical skills shine. Thank you for that nugget of truth
Daryl Underwood, my man,
Stuff? Stuff of the earth?? It’s more like evil of the earth.
And it nothing to put on your “to do” list!
John:
Which brings us back to that “and this too shall pass” standard.
So glad you are better!
Yes, I’ll never forget the pain my dad went through when I was a boy, some thirty or more years ago. It was terrible.
Good to hear you’re good now, and can offer such reflections firsthand. (last part not so good)
Gracious Me…..John! What a histerical post……I just love the part…One of my favorite stories of course,written of in John 8 actually of “The Woman” caught in adultery….and the pharises wanting so desperately to cast the accumalation of stones at her. I thoroughly enjoyed your quote up top of after Jesus’again brilliant and inspiring explantion of thou shalt not….in severe judgement of the poor woman; I love what you wrote! “The religious leaders were so traumatized by the memory of passing their Own Stones–heaven forbid–that they clearly infront of Jesus dropped their Own Judgement Stones…and seemingly slinked away into a definate posture of obscurity, and humiliation of their own tradgic expressive sin. Not even the slightest possibilty crossing their minds of purity and richness through truth telling, and forgiveness of reality sin…..What is even curiouser yet, is they never even acknowledge what has delevoped within their little minds….let alone the act of sin. Very interesting I find……kidney stones….! Never passed one..although running toward for Jesus in Hopes to not accumalate one myself…and its a long drive ….Hi-Ho—Hi-Ho…but, well worth the love that resides…and fills in a broken Heart <3 Purging out that kidney stoneJohn must have been a real dilema….Oh fun!!!! Just teasin’ ya….Hope the Vicodine worked!! lol……lol…..lol…..<3