The dark clouds cast a cool shade around Jacob’s Well. Jesus and his boys were tired from the walk into Samaria.
Jesus: Yo, Mattie! You and Johnny take da boys inda town and get us some food, hey. No linguini with white clam sauce this time! None. I wanta da spaghetti wid da meata balls…and some cannoli. Capiche?
Mattie: Ah, come on, Boss, jeez. We’re all worn out here. We gotta rest a little. Doan ya see that?
Jesus: You talkin’ to me? Are you talkin’ to me? What, are you def? Wha did I say? Now, get outta here and get us some food.
Mattie (mumbles to self): Alright, already…jeez. [then to Jesus] Wattaya gonna do?
Jesus: Whatzit to ya? I gonna sit here and think. ‘Szat all right wid you? I’m gonna get me some solitude. Hangin’ oud wid you guys makes me crazy! Mama mia.
Jesus is left alone. Even though the clouds shade the area, the hot surface winds blow dust about the well. A woman approaches. The woman startles at seeing Jesus.
Woman (loudly): Watta you doin’ sittin’ there like that?! Are youse hidin’? You scared the bejesus outta me!
Jesus: I ain’ duin’ nuthin’. Jes sittin’. Szat alright wid you?
Woman: Why you all by yourself? Seems kinda strange ta me…You got no friends?
Jesus: Whatzittoya? Sozz, I’m by myself. No big deal, hey. But since you asked, Mattie, Johnny and da boyz–they went inda town for food. [pause] Hey, you got any water?
Woman: Hey, now, youse creepin’ me out here, fella. You some kinda big time Jew and all, and me, me, I’m just a lousy, low-life Samaritan woman. You wantta water from me? What’s up with that?
Jesus: Hey, I didn’t stutter, did I? I simply asked you for some watta. No crime in that, is there? And if you knew who I was, Baby, you’d be askin’ me for real water. Da real ting. Capiche?
Woman: So, big Jew fella, who are ya? And look at ya. For cryin’ out loud, how you gonna gimme water? Youse got no bucket or nothin’.
Jesus: Oh, I got water all right. I got real water. Holy water. Like no water in Jerusalem or Samaria.
Woman: You ain doin’ nothin’ illegal, are ya?
Jesus: Now, why’d you go and say somethin’ like that? No way am I crossing some line. It’s above board, all the way. I’m resenting what youse said.
Woman: Gimme some of that water…C’mon, that ‘real’ water.
Jesus: Whoa, hold on there, little lady. Foist, you goes get your man and bring him here to me.
Woman: I ain got no man. I jus ain got no man
Jesus: Whattaya mean you ain’t got no man? You got a man. Oh, yeah, you gotta man, alright. You’ve had Vinnie, Rocco, Stephany, Michael, and Bracco. And now you livin’ with Tony. Am I right? Tell me I’m not right.
Woman (shocked): How’d ya know?! Who are you, anyway? You got some snitch in town? You got no right to go snoopin’ ’round in my life.
Jesus: Hey, don’t get your robes in a bundle. Juz settle down! I ain ’bout to hurt you any or blab around about your love life. I ain like that.
Woman: Like I ask ya–just who are you anyway?
Jesus: I am the One you been lookin’ for aaaall your life.
Mattie, Johnny and the boys return. There’s spaghetti and meata balls all around.
Mattie (to Johnny): So. What’s wid Jesus talkin’ to the broad? Right here at this well no less?
Johnny: I dunno. I guess we could ask him. Whattayathink?
Mattie: I dunno, Johnny. Sometimes he just don’t seem right. Look at him. He’s not even touching his spaghetti and da meatballs. Sez he’s got food to eat we know nuttin’ about. Go figure.